If You Just Smile...

I have spent many years working on and publishing my own book, LIFELINES, Daily Antidotes to Animus and Angst. Having suffered from a debilitating Chronic Anxiety disorder that began over a decade ago, I began the book as a daily self-assignment designed to pull myself out of my illness by changing my behavior through little daily tasks. Each had to be fun, easy to do and interesting. Some tasks involved music, art, drama, writing or dance. Others were designed to self-empower by learning how to discover what was true in the media. Still others were acts of kindness or civility, designed to force me out of my isolation and into contact with strangers. With lots of work and years of seeking the best help I could find, I began to slowly recover. I posted many of the “assignments” online and got so many  positive comments that I considered turning the tasks into a book to help others.

Then, Donald Trump, the playboy blowhard buffoon who had gone bankrupt six times and was a laughingstock amongst fellow New Yorkers, ran for, and became elected President. Fearing that all the chaos, vitriol and hate that this over-aged, pudgy Pandora set loose on America would push me right back into the depths of anxiety, I got back to work on the book. 

As the song says, “Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come,” I learned a great deal about editing, publishing, and especially hybrid publishing over a three-year period. Covid struck, I had to go through a second cervical fusion in the midst of the epidemic and I watched my country torn in little pieces by a ruthless megalomaniac so cold that he would not call off his rabid followers, even when they wanted to hang his own Vice President. 

None the less, America had four years in the “eye of the hurricane” before hell opened its ugly maw once again, spewing forth the new-and-so-much-worse version of Donald Trump. I have had to take certain measures to protect myself this time around: 1. I don’t listen to the news non-stop. 2. I  read multiplel sources to suss out the truth of daily reports. 3. I try very hard not to compare Trump’s parallel progress with that of Adolf Hitler, with whom he has so many similarities. 4. I work at finding things (other than Trump) to make me laugh. This is proving to be a challenge. But then I remembered an old vaudeville routine that my mother had printed on a card. Long after she died  I found the card with some other papers. I thought it would cheer us all up to relate it. so, here goes:

A young man wanted to purchase something tastefully elegant for his sweetheart for their three-month dating anniversary. He hadn’t known her all that long, so it had to be a gift that would send the perfect message: nothing too personal, but a gift that says, “I think you are lovely and tasteful.” After thinking of jewelry, perfume, etc., he finally decided on a pair of elegant pale pink rabbit-fur-lined cashmere gloves. 

Since, like most men, this fellow felt a little ill at ease in the women’s department of Macys, he took along his teen-aged sister, who busied herself in the lingere section, eventually selecting a pair of lacy  panties for herself. When they approached the sales counter, the busy salesgirl somehow mixed the items up. The sister took the bag holding the gloves while her brother, wishing to get out of the store as soon as possible, didn’t check the contents of his box. As soon as he got home, he wrapped the package and mailed it off to his sweetheart with the following note:

“My dearest, this is a little gift to show how I feel about you on our three-month anniversary. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when you go out in the evening. If it had not been for the help of my high-school aged sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easy to remove. They are a delicate shade, but the salesgirl showed me a pair that she had been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try them on for me and she really looked great.

I wish I could put them on you for the first time. No doubt other men’s hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Be sure to keep them on when you clean them or they might shrink. I hope you lie them and will wear them for me Friday night. All my love,

P.S. Just think of how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. And, by the way, I’ve known many girls who wear them folded down, with the fur showing.”