STARDUST

Joni Mitchell messaged me yesterday. Then my computer died. I doubt the two have any connection…but you never know. I had been scrolling through Facebook and saw Joni’s picture under a note reading: “I need to hear from all my active fans all over the world.”

What the hell…I said something like, “You’re not just stardust; you’re a blazing comet!” Immediately, I got a reply.

     “You seem to be a great fan of mine. Where are you from?” 

Weird, right? I typed, “Native New Yorker.” Again, I got an instant reply.

     “I always make sure I squeeze out time from my busy schedule to appreciate my fans  cause they make me who I am today.” OK, could the possibility exist that Joni Mitchell actually chats online with her fans? I respond, saying that we have some strange coincidences: Our given names are both Roberta Joan, she contracted polio and I was a “Polio Pioneer,” one of the huge group of kids on which the Salk vaccine for polio was tested and proved to work. We both had Ukuleles for our first instruments, and both became artist/musicians who went back and forth from one career to the other. I bought a mountain dulcimer a few years before hearing of Joni Mitchell and her music, some of which she played on a mountain dulcimer. And we both had suffered from a mysterious virus.

Joni types in: “How long have you been my fan? Once in a while I reach out to fans, despite my management and my last experience.” Then she adds, “Well, that’s a story for another day!” 

I am supposed to be practicing my harp. I had opened my phone to use the tuning app. I get another message: “If I may ask how many of my fan pages have you come across all this while?” As I’ve been reading these messages, the lack of punctuation and poor grammar Joni uses surprise me, given that the messages are supposedly coming from one of our most erudite and poetic songwriters. 

She continues; “OK I do understand I want you to keep this note now Well I don’t want you to keep looking for me anymore if you see any other page it a scam this is my private page where you can get in touch to me so be careful don’t comment on any posts of mine using my pic so I don’t want you to go out fb looking for me if you ever want to hear from me text me here any other page you see out there is fake. Please don’t ever comment to any posts of mine on Facebook scammers are using this way to get all my fans so i don’t ever want you to comment to any of my posts who was posted by other page please take note I’m trying to keep safe from scam I hope you hear the advice I told you?”

I reply, “I hear you.”

Joni types, “Thank you for understanding if we were to converse through another means, can I trust you to keep my contact safe?” I put down my phone and practice harp for an hour, after which I have lunch and skim the AARP Bulletin sitting on our kitchen island with the mail. The cover story is about scammers. Page ten’s heading is printed in bold white letters on a red background, “FRAUD 2024.” Amongst the “six fast-growing scams coming your way” is scam number three: the Celebrity Impersonation.

The article’s author, Patrick J. Kiger states, “During the pandemic, fans became accustomed to a constant social media presence from celebrities. Scammers have tapped into that ‘You’re on Instagram or Facebook, and someone pretending to be Celine Dion or her manager reaches out to you.’ explains Amy Nofziger, director of victim support for AARP’s Fraud Watch Network. ‘The fake manager might say, “Celine loves your comments. She’d love to talk to you. Here’s her private account.” After you connect, the talk gradually turns to how the celebrity’s fortune is tied up in a lawsuit, and she could use a loan.”

It had been pleasant to think of Joni Mitchell, taking a break from her work, kicking back, scrolling through Facebook to see what her fans have to say. But I sincerely doubt she would contact someone she had never heard of; Joni is surrounded by people who love and care for her without turning to anonymous strangers for conversation.

Yet, I can see how seductive the idea is that YOU have been singled out of all her millions of fans. By ‘Joni’s’ third comment, I was on to the scam. I considered conversing further to find out what the scammers were going to ask me for, but I really needed to practice harp. 

Dan bought me a new computer and had it all set up by the next day. I couldn’t resist looking on Facebook for the Joni Mitchell post. It was still there, with the same request. I read some of peoples’ comments and saw ‘Joni’s’ responses to them: “You seem to be a great fan of mine. Where are you from?” 

I know that scammers have always existed. Our country has been scammed by politicians who convince us that they are competent when they are not and by others who make us believe that despite what we see them say and do, they are not what they appear to be! We have become so used to being scammed that we are losing the ability to discern the truth. Celebrity scammers, and political scammers get us to trust them using friendliness and compassion. They make us feel seen, as though we are special. We want to believe they are the real thing so much that, despite warning signs, many of us will follow them down the rabbit hole.

Joni was right all those years ago when she wrote, “…we are broken and we’ve got to get ourselves back to the garden.”

*Be skeptical. Don’t give out information online or by phone. If you spot a scam or have, yourself been scammed, contact the AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline: 877-908-3360.